55 Funny Dodgeball Quotes From Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

It’s been 17 years since Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story was released and since then this film has become a comedy classic. We hope you enjoy these hilarious Dodgeball quotes.

In 2004 Dodgeball, starring Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn was released to mixed reviews. But despite lower critical ratings at first, this film has gone on to stand the test of time and is now a modern comedy classic.

Silly, funny, and a little bit weird, Dodgeball follows a group of misfits led by Peter Le Fleur (Vince Vaughn) who enter Las Vegas’s Dodgeball tournament in order to save Le Fleur’s gym from being overtaken by a corporate gym chain run by White Goodman (Ben Stiller). It’s the story of true underdogs who go against some of the world’s best and most villainous dodgeball athletes in order to save a place that they love.

We hope these Dodgeball quotes take you back to the first time you saw this movie and make you laugh harder than ever before.

Don’t forget to also check out these Beetlejuice quotes for the strange and unusual.

Classic Dodgeball movie quotes

1. “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan

2. “Oh, I don’t think I’m a lot dumber than you think that I thought that I thought I was once.” — White Goodman

3. “We ARE the Globo Gym Purple Cobras … and we will, we will, rock you!” — White Goodman

4. “I know you. You know you. You know that I know that I know you.” — White Goodman

5. “F*ck you, Chuck Norris!” — White Goodman

6. “Remember the 5 D’s of dodgeball: Dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge.” — Patches O’Houlihan

Best Dodgeball quotes and one-liners

7. “L for ‘love.’ Good times.” — Gordon

8. “Thank you, Chuck Norris.” — Peter LaFleur

9. “Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!” — White Goodman

10. “I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.” — Kate Veatch

11. “Ouchtown, population: You, bro!” — Pepper Brooks

12. “I guess you’re right, I’m not really a Pirate.” — Steve the Pirate

13. “You’re about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop.” — Patches O’Houlihan

14. “Line up ladies!” — Patches O’Houlihan

Best Dodgeball quotes and lines from White Goodman

15. “Peekaboo!” — White Goodman

16. “We shouldn’t be shackled up the employer/employee relationship…unless you’re into that kind of stuff a ha ha, cause I got some shackles in the back! a haha, just kidding, but really, I got them.” — White Goodman

17. “It’s called the Freedom of Information Act, Kate. The hippies finally got something right! Haha! Just kidding. But not really.” — White Goodman

18. “In some cultures, they only eat vomit. I never been there, but I read about it… in a book.” — White Goodman

19. “Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it’s your fault if you don’t hate yourself enough to do something about it.” — White Goodman

20. I love happy endings. You know, that’s the problem with… the American cinema: can’t handle any complexity in it, you know? “Don’t make me think, I just wanna be entertained”. — White Goodman

21. “Yeh, that’s me taking the bull by the horns, it’s how I like to run my business. It’s a metaphor. But that actually happened though.” — White Goodman

22. “We’re opening a new Globo Gym in Mexico City, so I’ve been boning up on my Spanish.” — White Goodman

23. “My gym is worth more than four million dollars, your gym isn’t even worth four. My gym has stockholders, your gym doesn’t even have cup holders.” — White Goodman

24. “Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey… Joke-maker. But let me hit you with some knowledge. Quit now. Save yourself the embarrassment of losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur.” — White Goodman

Funny Dodgeball quotes

25. “Well, I guess if a person never quit when the going got tough, they wouldn’t have anything to regret for the rest of their life. But good luck to you, Peter. I’m sure this decision won’t haunt you forever.” — Lance Armstrong

26. “Bollocks!” — Steve the Pirate

27. “Because I think you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” — Owen

28. “Maybe we could pay it off in Canadian Dollars and save ourselves some money!” — Owen

29. “If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan

30. “I drink my own urine cause it’s sterile and it tastes good.” — Patches O’Houlihan

31. “That’s a bold move, Cotton.” — Pepper Brooks

32. “I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don’t have one, then you are never disappointed. And I gotta tell ya… it feels phenomenal.” — Peter La Fleur

33. “Dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion, and degradation.” — Patches O’Houlihan

34. “Hey, White. I didn’t think that Nazi camp got out until eight. Did you decide to skip arts and crafts?” — Peter La Fleur

35. “Too bad Hallmark doesn’t make a “Sorry your dodgeball coach got killed by two tons of irony” card.” — Peter La Fleur

Dodgeball quotes to make you want to watch the movie again

36. “Because you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” -Owen

37. “You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat!” -Patches O’Houlihan

38. “We’re better than you, and we know it!” – White Goodman

39. “Those men believe in you.” -Patches O’Houlihan

40. “You look awful fat in those pants.” -Peter LaFleur

41. “It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe’s into the proverbial pumpkin.” -Cotton McKnight

42. “Oh, now he’s a philosophizer.” -White Goodman

43. “Cram it up your cram hold, LaFleur!” -White Goodman

44. “Are you reading the dictionary?” -Kate Veach

“You caught me! I like to break a mental sweat.” -White Goodman

45. “Donde esta la biblioteca, Pedro?” -White Goodman

Short Dodgeball quotes

46. “We should Mate.” — White Goodman

47. “WHOA! SORRY SIR!” — Me’Shell Jones

48. “Joanie loves Chachi!” — White Goodman

49. “Ohh, right in the testicles!” — Cotton McKnight

50. “I got a great idea to raise the money!” — Owen

51. “Don’t worry Justin that guy is a jerk.” — Kate Veach

52. “Date. I said we should date sometime.” — White Goodman

53. “You’re adopted, you’re parents don’t even love you.” — Peter LaFleur

54. “Yeah, he’ll probably fall off the roller coaster and break every bone in his body.” — Dwight

55. “It’s like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump some doorknobs out there.” — Patches O’Houlihan

Did you enjoy these Dodgeball quotes?

Though Dodgeball is undoubtedly one of the greatest comedies of the 21st century, it apparently wasn’t all fun and games to film. The actors were required to train rigorously by attending a “dodgeball boot camp” several times a week.

The brutal training must not have been enough though because Christine Taylor (who played Kate Veatch) was accidentally hit in the face twice by her husband Ben Stiller, once while rehearsing and once on set.

Justin Long, who played Average Joe’s teammate, Justin, was also hurt several times while filming. In the scene when a wrench was thrown at his face, the wrench (which was rubber) caught his skin and caused a nasty cut. Another time, during the film’s training montage, Long was hit with enough dodgeballs that he was left “slightly concussed.”

In any case, none of the actors were left too permanently damaged and we’re glad they were able to tough it out long enough to finish making this comedy gem.

We hope you enjoyed these Dodgeball quotes and lines. Let us know your favorite quote in the comments below.